I feel so happy when I am at work. No one to judge me, scream at me, hurt me or tell me what to do. Everyone is so supportive and I just feel loved. I can laugh and smile and express myself, but I am not allowed to show him I am happy. He gets mad at me when I am happy as how is it that I can be so happy? But I am not allowed to be sad either as he says I am always happy when other people are around, why can't I be happy with him. Well if only he would let me speak, I can tell him my reasons!!!

I have decided that everyone deserves to be happy. I deserve to be happy. Not to live in fear or feel anxious all the time. To be truly happy and laugh and enjoy my life. To eat what I want to eat, to dress how I want to dress, to listen to my kind of music and make my own decisions. To spend my own money that I work so hard for and go out when I want to. Most of all, I don't want to ask permission for everything in my life.

I am a grown woman being treated like a child and if I refuse to listen, I get punished!

I decided this week that I was going to pack my bags , leave and live my happy life that I imagine for myself. Screw him and everyone who decides to judge me, but then he fell very ill. He almost died and again I felt too bad to leave. I have been taking care of him this entire week. Had no sleep at all as if I do fall asleep, I get told I don't care enough about him. I am trying to be positive, but it is so hard when you give someone your all and all you get back is more abuse. I had my mind made up and now I am back to square one.

Just wish my life would change for the better. I know I am the only one who could do this, but don't feel strong enough. The wedding is getting closer and I am getting weaker. I wish I had you ladies to talk to before he asked me to marry him, I would've left with a smile. Now I just feel stuck.

For all you other ladies out there, you DESERVE to be happy. Please don't allow ANYONE to take it away from you!!!